These days...

I should be posting in a week about B's 15 month checkup, but I thought I'd go ahead and give a little update.  I want to be sure and remember what life is like- but there is just no time to blog!  So this might be a long one...or it might be a short one if she wakes up sooner than later... :)

Blakely is busier than ever.  She is talking up a storm- and it is hilarious.  I need to video it, but I just know she'll be as quiet as a mouse as soon as I start filming.  She just blabs all the time, and I know she thinks she is saying things.  She is into everything.  I know I always say that, but seriously, she is SO curious, and is dead set on be a part of whatever I'm doing.  Cooking has become quite the challenge because she throws a MAJOR fit if I don't let her sit on the counter next to me, or hold her while I am doing it.  Most of the time I just let her crawl around on the counter messing with stuff- it's seriously the only way I can get anything done! 

She is obsessed with being outside.  She begs to go out most of the day, and is by far the most content when we are outside.  She just roams and picks things up and pushes her wagon.  She also has a little slide thing that she loves to play on. 

We have been pretty frustrated for the last couple of months with her sleeping.  She hasn't been going to bed super easy, and she gets up WAYYY early.  Like 5:30 at the latest.  Sometimes 4.  It's pretty miserable- especially being pregnant.  She has also been incredibly fussy and cranky.  Like big fits and whining, non-stop.  We have tried everything in the book to change it, but nothing works.  So finally we just decided a couple of days ago to embrace it.  And it has helped a ton.  Both her attitude and ours have completely changed.  She gets up happy, goes down for naps easy, and is in a much better mood.  Now, this might change tomorrow...but for now, we are just gonna go with it.  It still feels so wrong to put her down for a nap at 7am, but whatever. 


how hilarious is this hair? 

awake, and in a good mood!

sitting on her throne.  we got her a potty- but she mainly just likes to take it a part and sit on it to watch tv.

I am now 27 weeks pregnant...and I can hardly believe it.  Where did the first and second trimester go?!  I mean...it's just crazy.  I feel great- tired of course, but I am sure that has more to do with my 5am wakeup call than this baby.  :)  He moves like CRAZY.  Like, all night long.  But I love it.  He's healthy and growing, and I think I am pretty much as big as I was right before I had B.  No joke.  I am a little nervous about having a normal sized baby.  :) 

And yes, I said "HE."  I know I said I was going to wait, but I just felt like Stephen wasn't enjoying me being pregnant like he did with B.  So I surprised him, and at my last ultrasound had the doc take a pic and put it in an envelope (so I didn't see it either) and I gave it to him for Valentine's day.  He loved it and was SO excited to find out that he is going to have a SON.  Henry is his name.  :)  We are glad we are having a boy, because he will need to be tough to stand up to his bossy-butt big sister.  I have a feeling he will outweigh her by the time he is a year old. 

Stephen and I became an "aunt/uncle" last night!  Stephen's sister gave birth to Lucy Jane.  We are so excited to meet her!  She is a cutie for sure.  And we are so excited for B to have a girl cousin to play with at holidays!


how sweet is Lucy?  Such a pretty baby!



in case you were wondering what I had for dinner

Our love story

This has been on several friends' blogs, so I thought in honor of V-day I'd play along too! 

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?

We have officially been together since November of 2006- so 5 1/2 years?  But we also dated for about 6 months in 2004. 

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}

We actually met my junior or senior year of highschool (can't remember which) in Springdale, AR.  My brother was at the U of A and was friends with Stephen.  Me and some friends went up to see Joe (my brother) and we were staying at my grandma's in Springdale.  I forgot some sort of toiletry, and around midnight we stopped at Harps (grocery store) to get some.  A truck pulled up to us and Stephen yelled out "Hey, you're Joe's sister!"  Apparently he had seen my picture in Joe's room and thought I was cute.  :)  I was pretty convinced that I was going to marry one of Joe's friends, and I told my friends that it'd be Stephen Billings after we met that night. 

A year or two later I came to college, and I had a big crush on him , but I am pretty sure he had long forgotten about me since I was the "little sister" until we finally actually became friends at Kaleo- Stumo summer project- the summer after my freshman year.  We worked together at Big Kahunas- a water park, so we rode to work and home together every day.  We fell in love that summer.  You aren't allowed to date at the project- but the very last day before we went home, he asked me if he could take me on a date when we got back to Fayetteville.  We were floating in the ocean and he was getting stung by jelly fish.  It was so romantic.  :)

We dated for about 6 months and then I got confused and broke up with him.  I was still crazy about him, but he moved on.  Eventually I did too, but it took a while!  He claims he liked me the whole time :)

A couple years later, after pretty much not even being friends, I ended up needing a ride home from church and he took me home- I knew after that 20 minute drive that he liked me.  He asked me out a couple weeks after that and not long after that we were engaged.  Our (second) first date was in November 2006 and we were engaged in May and married in September. 

3. If married, how long have you been married? If not, is this the guy you hope to marry? {do tell}  4 1/2 years

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding? If not, where would you like to get married? And will it be big or small?

We got married in my parents' front yard in Choctaw, Ok.  I'm not really sure what makes a big/small wedding.  We had over 300 people there, but it was a super casual outdoor wedding.  I was barefoot, wore a short dress, and we had barbeque at our reception.  It was wonderful. 

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Do share!

The theme I have been reading on all of these is "babe/baby" and we are no exception.  I even try to make a conscious effort not to call him babe when others are around because I think it drives single people crazy.  Married people understand though.  :)  We really don't have any other real nicknames- just embarrassing ones that I wouldn't ever admit to. 

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.

He can always make me laugh, he is THE best dad, and he loves God even more than he loves me. 

7. Tell us how he proposed? Or your ideal proposal?

My parents got married in my grandparents backyard.  Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to get married there underneath an apple tree in their pasture.  Stephen came with me to my grandparents one weekend and he asked me to marry him under the apple tree- it was the sweetest.

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals?

He's a flower and starbucks kinda guy- that's what he got me today.  :) 

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?

Both sound wonderful, but since we live in Kansas, with no beach anywhere nearby, we pretty much do the movie and couch- which I love just as much. 

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?

I want to go to Hawaii and Europe.  Without children.  :) 

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day.

We celebrated on Sunday.  We got a babysitter, and did our 5th annual McD's date.  :)  We get dressed up, and dine in at McDonalds.  We even order WHATEVER we want.  :)  Then we drove around and talked, then we came back and put B to bed, then we watched Courageous on the couch.  It was wonderful.  I thought v-day was over, but instead, he surprised me today with a pink rose and a starbucks.  What a sweetie. 

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day?

Got everything I could ever want.

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love.

Kiss.  Every, single, day. 

14. Show us a picture of what love means to you
The theme of all of these that I've read is daddy and daughter pics, so I'll stick with it.  But seriously, is that not the sweetest thing you've ever seen? 

#momproblems

I'm getting on a soapbox.

In motherhood, the problems-issues-obstacles-whatever you want to call them are endless. (at least so far for the first year and a few months...) there is pretty much never more than a day or two that there isn't something to overcome. Nursing, teething, eating, sleeping, whining, obedience, etc. No mom is exempt from all trials in motherhood- though some might be lucky enough to get an incredible sleeper, or a baby who nurses smoothly from the get go until mom is ready to ween.

But let's be clear for the moms encountering those issues- it is just that-lucky. Sure, there are things you can do as a parent to increase the likelihood that your baby does (or doesn't) do those things the way you want them to, but also, you can do everything "perfectly" and just have a bad sleeper, or eater, or whatever. AND even if it happens to be moms FAULT that the child has this issue or that, most of us (moms) are just doing the best we know how with the little person that God has given us.

And they are that- people. With thoughts and opinions (at least mine sure has them!) and personalities. You can see glimpses of the uniqueness that God placed in our babies from the first kicks we feel in our bellies and the first ultrasound where we see them squirming. They don't come with instruction manuals for that reason. Each mom is different, and each baby is even more different. No matter what people say- there are no hard and fast rules. Blakely has managed to teach me at least that.

All this to say- sometimes (ALL of the time) moms just want to hear that they are doing a good job. Not advice on how you would have done it- cause be honest- you don't know how you would have done it. You never had and never will have MY baby. You never had and never will have MY life. So to think and especially to say how you would have done it differently is just arrogant and plain rude. Of course there are times that moms ask for advice. And by all means, share your opinion if you think it will benefit. Please give your advice carefully and gently. Do your best not to make mom feel bad, cause after all, SHE is the one suffering through the sleeplessness, fussiness, and/or disobedience. But also consider the possibility that asking for your advice is also just another way that she wants to hear you say she is doing a good job as a mom.

If you are one of those moms blessed with a good sleeper or eater, then be thankful. Sure, pat yourself on the back for the hard work that you might have put in to get your baby to where he is, but do it silently. And offer sympathy instead of advice. And give her encouragement instead of judgement. Some of us HAVE worked hard, read the books, tried the tricks- and hopefully we can all admit that we haven't done it perfectly, but sometimes it doesn't matter. Sometimes the baby just. won't. sleep. Or eat, or stop whining. Who knows why? Not the mom, and certainly not you either.

This is all coming after B getting up at 4am today, crying for 2 hours when I finally gave in and got her up, nap at 7:30 where she slept for less than an hour. She has gotten up at 5am for the last month, cries for a minimum of 20 sometimes more than an hour before falling asleep at night, has been MEGA whiney for the last week or so unless perfectly entertained, eats OCCASIONALLY, and usually only bananas or yogurt, and is the queen o tantrums.

I let her cry- every time? No, cause I have a heart. I let her go hungry when she refuses to eat what I made- every time? No, cause I want her to grow. I ignore her whines- every time? No, cause I don't want to go to jail.

I'm just doing the best I know how with the little person God gave me. And you know what moms? You are doing a great job too.

24 and a few

I went in for another ultrasound Monday and everything looks great! Pretty much perfectly average on everything. It is so different this time around. Stephen hasn't made it to an ultrasound and I'm not sure if he will. It's just not worth the kink in B's schedule. I always bring pictures though. Dr appts and ultrasounds were such a big deal last time but not as much with this one. Though it's always fun to see him/her squirming around, it doesn't get the hype that they got last time- which is good. A whole lot less worrying.

I am feeling ok except the huge factor. And I am not doing the best job of self control on my eating habits. I have been enjoying a few too many Starbucks grande hot chocolates with whip cream. Mmmmm.

Lots of kicking by this one- around the clock. And I don't get much sleep, but mainly thanks to my sweetie who gets up around 5am every day.

Stephens mom is here babysitting the two of us while Stephen is out of town for work. It's been nice. B likes seeing people other than me! And she gets entertained by B-B in the backseat when we go places.

B will be super sad to see her go on Sunday.

In other baby news, I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my FIRST niece! Thats right folks, I'm gonna be an aunt! Stephens sister is due at the beginning of March, but her little whopper is already putting B to shame in the growth department. She's 4 weeks from the due date and Lucy Jane is already weighing over 6.5 lbs! Way to go Lucy! I can't wait, and maybe we'll all get lucky (especially Anna) and she'll come early.

K, here's a picture of me and baby- no face cause I'm trying a pinterest hair project- ill let you know how it turns out...

Part 2

Well, after Blakely was born, things went (I guess) as normal.  Not a lot of sleeping...lot's of holding and staring.  I knew I should be sleeping- and everyone kept telling me so, but I was just too excited to go to sleep.  She was so tiny it was scary.  I'd cry every time I or the nurses changed her diaper cause you could really appreciate how skinny she was. 

Nursing was hard from the get-go.  She was so small, and since she was early, she wasn't strong enough to suck well.  Luckily, for some reason, I was the queen of milk and I was able to pump what the nurses and doctors acted like was record breaking amounts of colostrum.  After the first day of not eating, and losing a little bit of weight she had to get a feeding tube put in.  It was so sad and pathetic looking.  It was through her nose, and taped to her cheek.  They would let me attempt to feed her until she or I was in tears, then they would feed her formula or pumped colostrum through her tube.  Then an hour or two later they would actually pull it all out of her stomach to see how much she was actually digesting.  It was pretty crazy.  It always seemed like surely it hurt, but they assured me it didn't hurt her at all.  Everything was pretty much a blur that second day...

That evening my parents brought us up some food, and Stephen's parents got in town and came to see Blakely for a little while.  Stephen ate some pizza which would prove to possibly be the worst decision ever.  Around 9pm, he told me to invite some friends up to see her- which I thought was odd, but I did it anyway since I was dying to see people.  My friends Kristyn and Claire came, and Stephen was just sortof gone most of the time- but I wasn't paying too much attention.  Then my friends left, and Stephen said he had been feeling bad for a while, and since it was the end of the year, we had already met our insurance deductible he was just going to go down to the ER downstairs and see if they could give him something to feel better.  It seemed logical to me- (I'm not sure why...) so I wasn't worried.  Then a few minutes later, my mom and dad showed up- it's around 11pm.  I thought this was very strange since my mom goes to bed at like 8:30.  Little did I know, Stephen had been dying for quite a while, and actually needed to go to the ER, he just didn't want me to worry.  Around 3am, I knew it was bad when the nurses were all talking about the "pitiful" looking husband puking his guts out down in the ER.  I panicked of course and thus began the uncontrolable crying.  I was already a basketcase thanks to post-pardom hormones and an underweight baby, and this did not help.  The nurse told me to go downstairs to check on Stephen if it would make me feel better.  So I went down to the ER with my hands covering my mouth the whole time.  As soon as I walked through the doors I could hear Stephen death barfing down the hall.  There is no other way to describe it except that it literally sounds like someone is dying.  Other ER patients were sticking their heads out their doors to see where the death vomit was coming from.  I followed the noise and found him looking green and not making much sense between barfs.  Literally, could. not. stop. crying.  I just sobbed and sobbed and he kept trying to get me away from him for fear that I'd catch whatever bug he had.  I went back up after a few minutes cause I knew I needed to stay away, and then I just cried for the rest of the night.  He spent the next several hours throwing up, got several  bags of IV fluids and lots of drugs, and finally got to go to his parent's hotel around 6am.  He was then quaranteened for the next couple of days incase he had a virus and not just food poisoning. 

So here I was, alone in the hospital with Blakely weighing just over 4lbs at this point, not eating, with a feeding tube.  Thank goodness for my mom staying with me.  Oh, and for some reason my blood pressure went way up and we just couldn't seem to get it to come down.  This actually sortof ended up being a good thing.  My doctor said he was going to keep me another night- which was great cause B wasn't going anywhere until they could take the tube out and she could eat on her own.  So luckily I didn't have to go home without my baby- I can't even imagine how terrible that would have been.  We had lots of nurses and doctors preparing us for the worst- telling us it could be several days or weeks until she could go home.  It was so scary and I felt very alone since I couldn't even really talk to Stephen on the phone about it cause he was practically dead. 

I had nurses telling me to give B a pacifier to help her practice sucking, I had nurses telling me to feed her formula from a bottle, I had one lovely nurse that told me that after I gave her a bottle, that I had "sabatoged breastfeeding" for my daughter.  At this point, my eyes were nearly swollen shut.  I met several times with the lactation consultant, and got so many different pieces of advice, and had so many people trying to help me nurse I thought I'd go crazy. 

Finally I called my pediatrician (since she was in Lawrence she couldn't be my ped at the hospital) and I was barely understandable in the message.  I decided that whatever advice she gave me I was going to take.  I told her that I wanted to nurse, but that the most important thing to me was that B grew and was healthy.  I told her I wanted to do whatever was going to get me and Blakely home the fastest.  So she told me to take the feeding tube out and basically force B to eat however she could.  I attempted nursing each time, and then offered her a bottle afterward and pumped like crazy.  That day she stopped losing weight (day 3!) and started gaining!  By the end of that day, she was nursing every 3 hours with the help of a nipple shield.  The next morning we were discharged. 

Stephen stayed in the basement, and I'd stand at the top of the stairs to show him Blakely every couple of hours.  My mom would make him food and leave it on the stairs for him to come get.  The doc said he had to be fever and diahrrea free for at least 24 hours before he could come in contact with either of us.  Finally, Sunday night, he came up and hung out in the living room for a couple of hours. 

Blakely's birth story: Part 1

My friend Tracy inspired me to write out B's birth story.  Her son is a few months older than Blakely, and she is about to have her second baby as well!  She didn't start blogging until Landon was a few months old, so she never told his birth story- so she wrote it out this week.  Well, I was blogging when B was born, but I never got around to writing out the whole detailed story.  And in my old age, I am really starting to forget things- so I better do it while I still remember!!!

It is quite a dramatic story, so I figured I will do it in installments.  Here goes with Part 1...

So around 32 weeks at my regular checkup appointment my belly was measuring about 6 weeks behind- so the doc sent me in for an ultrasound.  B's stomach was measuring abnormally small, so doc sent me to a specialist- a perinatologist (doc for babies in the womb.)  So I got another ultrasound and they said she wasn't growing properly so they'd check back two weeks later and if she hadn't show enough progress then they'd go ahead and get her out.  It was the LOOOOOONGEST two weeks of my life.  I was also put on bed rest, which was even worse.  So I pretty much just sat on my rear thinking and worrying about our baby. 

Finally it was time to go to the ultrasound- I was a little over 35 weeks, and she hadn't grown enough, so he said, "Well, get ready cause I think you'll have this baby today or tomorrow."  woah. 

So I went in for my regularly scheduled checkup that same day and I was so glad that everyone was in high spirits.  All the nurses and my doc didn't act alarmed- they only acted excited that I was getting to have my baby so soon!  It was a nice change since I was freaking out.

So the next evening (the longest 24 hours of my life...) We were scheduled to be induced.  So I spent the next evening and day after that pretty much just pacing the house, having hourly breakdowns, calling my mom over and over for her to tell me everything was going to be ok, and googling WAYYYY too many things. 

We got antsy, and went ahead down to KC (where my hospital is) late afternoon- I wasn't scheduled to check in until 8pm.  We packed our own dinner- but I wasn't feeling it, so we went for Chick-fila instead.  Then we had a Newborn Care class that we had already signed up for at our hospital at 7.  It was funny cause everyone went around the room and said their due date- and when it got to us, we got to say, "actually, we will be leaving the class early to go have our baby."  :)

So we headed to our room, and got all hooked up- and began the induction process.  They gave me some pill thingy to get things going, then an ambien so I'd sleep that night- wonderful.  I started having contractions around midnight, but thanks to that magic pill I could pretty much sleep through them.  And they really weren't too bad.  Then in the morning they checked me and I had dialated to a whopping 1/2 cm.  So they started my pitocin around 7am.  The doc came in at 8ish, and I still hadn't dialated anymore, so he broke my water.  Woah nelly.  Thus began the most excruciating pain of my life.  I guess cause my body wasn't ready for labor, and the pitocin, and water breaking, my contractions were on top of each other- literally no break in between.  I was writhing.  And shaking uncontrollably.  So our lovely plan to try to go natural went out the window and I begged for whatever drugs they were willing to give me.  So they gave me whatever narcotics they have, and basically I was still in just as much pain but I also felt drunk.  Not that I know what that's like....

So a few more hours went by, and I was finally to a 3 1/2ish and my doc said I could get the epidural.  I was previously so scared of the needle, but it could have been 10 feet long and had to go through my eyeball and I would have gladly signed up. 

Well, the lovely thing only took to half my body, and I got to feel the whole process of a catheter- ew.  Not to mention she put it in the wrong place the first time- I didn't even want to know what that meant or how it happened....so after trying to reset the epidural- that not working, and doing the process all over again, I was pain free- AND I could have cut off my right leg and not felt a thing. 

I had a super sweet med student there for all of this, and I wasn't super excited about letting her do much pre-epidural, but once I got the good drugs I gave her free reign.  So long as I couldn't feel it, I was all about her getting in some good practice.  She was a sweetheart- Stephanie. 

So then labor was actually pleasant.  I got to hang out with my parents and Stephen, and laugh and enjoy myself.  I was at a 5 around 3:30, then at about 3:45 I started feeling my contractions.  Nothing terrible, just some serious pressure.  So I told my nurse I felt like I needed to push, and she doubtfully went ahead and checked me and low and behold I was ready to push! 


So she called the doc in and the whole fam- yep, mom and dad were in the room.  I would have died if you had told me I would be ok with that before I was in labor, but at the time it just wasn't weird at all.  I think it was great that they got to be in the room.  I could see my mom's face the whole time and it was hilarious.  My dad sortof lurked behind a curtain cause he was a little too unsure to come any closer- can't blame him.  So about 15 minutes later, sweet Stephanie caught Blakely and she was here- 4lbs 9oz. 16 3/4 inches long.  She was puny.

21 (and a few days...)

This poor baby is going to feel so unloved when he/she sees how much I documented about B. I can only imagine the complex our third (and beyond!) kid will feel! :)

So because my hair is down and makeup on I figure I better document it!!!

I am 21 weeks and a few days. I found out a week ago I have been telling people the wrong due date. Just one day off, but still. May 28th is the day.

I'm feeling great, just tired. I get round ligament pains more than I did with B.

I have been craving spinach lately. I think I've eaten it almost everyday for about two weeks.

Baby is kicking all the time now. I notice it a lot more than I thought I would with chasing B around.

I am also having Braxton hicks contractions fairly regularly. I had them really early with B too.

We went in for our 20week ultrasound last week. And by we, I mean me and the baby in my belly. It was a little sad to be alone, but it just wasn't worth messing blakely's whole day up. We will have ultrasounds once a month until 30weeks then every 2 weeks. So I figure there will be plenty of them for Stephen to go to.

We did not find out the gender. Stephen still doesn't love it, but he is going with it for now. I'm enjoying not knowing, but I must say I was tempted during the ultrasound!

Here's my belly!

Oh and one of B. She has been a super clingon so I have to either be holding her at all times or she has to be right in the middle of what I'm doing. Which is why she is on the counter sticking her hands in my cake batter. :)