I need advice. From anyone and everyone. Blakely has entered into the worse phase ever (I shouldn't say that, cause I'll eat my words....) I know it is magnified by her not feeling good the last couple of weeks, but I am really afraid this isn't just due to sickness, but is something we have to figure out how to break her of.
She has really taken the whining and fit throwing to a whole new level. She throws herself the biggest pity party constantly- half the time, I don't even know what it's about, I just hear her whimpering about something. And it is just the most pathetic whine you've ever heard. And THEN. If she thinks I might not give her what she wants, for instance, if she wants something like a piece of ice from my drink, and I can't suddenly make the ice jump into my hand so I can give it to her (ie. I have to take the lid off and get a piece out that isn't too big so it might take an extra 4 seconds...) she FREAKS. And I mean freaks. Screams, writhes, real tears. How does this girl do it? I think she may be destined to be a movie star, cause her ability to cry is pretty impressive.
She gets her feelings hurt soooooo easily. It's ridiculous. Today her "dog dog" (her favorite stuffed dog animal...) was on our banister. I was cleaning up, and she was busy doing something ELSE. NOT trying to play with dog dog. So I picked him up to go put him away in her bed, and as she saw me walking down the hall she just fell a part. It's the same as with the ice. At this point, I feel trapped. I would gladly give her the piece of ice she wants, or give her dog dog if she wants him, but now she's freaking out and I don't want to teach her that that is how you get what you want. So do I then not give her what I would have originally?
One of our HUGE battles is dinner. She will sit happily in her high chair for a little while. Then she decides she's ready to sit on my lap. Well, I know this is mainly our fault, cause we have let her sit on my lap before because the child needs to EAT. bad. But anyway, now if I have any desire to eat my dinner without her on my lap, in my way, with her hands in my food, NOT eating it, just playing... Then I have to listen to screaming the whole time. She won't even settle for Stephen's lap, or even just getting down and playing. She HAS to be in my lap. We attempted to put our foots down last night and make her stay in her chair. It was so unpleasant. Totally ruined our nice grilled chicken, and she got herself so worked up that she was choking and coughing from crying so hard.
So how long do I let a fit like that go on? Until dinner is over? Cause let me tell you...this child won't just get distracted...she will win the endurance prize as far as fits go. She will scream until dinner is over and then some. And is there anyway to get her to stop whining? I don't feel like discipline works with her- she just doesn't get it yet. What do I do when she throws a fit when I AM going to give her what she wants? Still give it to her? Or then don't give it to her because she is throwing a fit?
I don't care if you are a mom, or a babysitter, or an aunt or WHAT. If you have ANY thoughts, or books or anything PLEASE HELP ME.
hi! i've never commented before, but whenever you post i'm happy to read about your adventures!
ReplyDeleteour little girl is 16months. she's pretty good most of the time, but her tantrums, crying fits, rolling on the floor, throwing things get pretty crazy sometimes, too.
we do discipline, if we tell her "no" to something and she directly disobeys and does it... while watching us to see our reaction.
we have learned (we're 1st time parents, too! :) that we can't instigate her... if she has one of our cell phones and she's not allowed to have it, ever, than we'll give her something else and take the phone away. before, we would take it and she would have a fit... so we would discipline... NOT GETTING the fact that she just doesn't understand WHY we're taking it away.
when she throws a fit on the playground, at teh park, or in public, i swiftly pick her up, hold her close, talk CALMLY and QUIETLY to her and say "lenny (her full name is lenea), no no. you may not throw a fit to get your own way. when mommy says no, i mean no". she may throw herself back and arch herself, but i don't let her down until she stops crying. she needs to learn to get her emotions under control and until she does, i won't let her go. she's worked up a sweat before, and i've been crying right along w/ her b/c its so sad to see her SO willful! but she must learn that i'm the parent, what i say is important and she must obey.
pick certain things to focus on... if you're constantly disciplining or correcting her for EVERY tantrum, that will get so exhausting for you! at this age, they don't understand. you're right! they need to learn the basics...
she's learning her boundaries, too. learning that she has an "opinion" and sometimes, that opinion is heard and her behavior - good or bad - is rewarded by you giving in.
we were disciplining constantly about 2 months back, now, we correct and try to teach... avoid conflict as much as possible.
hope that makes sense? all the best to you guys! :)
angela in IL
Someone once told me to pick my battles and then win those battles. I have lived by those words for the last few months.
ReplyDeleteFor us {at least when we are at home or at someone's house} we put her in time out when she starts throwing a fit and just leave her there and let her know when she is done she can get up. Sometimes it is 15 seconds and sometimes it is 15 minutes. If she gets up and is still screaming we just put her back until she is done. When she is done screaming I have her look in my eyes {as much as she will} and explain to her why she was in timeout. I try to focus more on the fact that she was disobeying mommy or daddy than I do on the actual act that landed her in timeout. If it is a battle we have decided not to fight I will just try to turn her attention elsewhere.
We have the same problem with eating as it appears you have with B. Campbell is 17 months and is just now 20 pounds, but at my house it is eat what I give you or don't eat. Some days she chooses not to eat at all. I hate it and I worry so much, but my doctor says she'll eat when she is hungry. Regardless she sits in her highchair until we are finished. Some days she is SCREAMING and as unpleasant as it is she is just testing her boundaries and I want her to know that we wait until all are finished before we get up from the table.
All that to say that you are doing a GREAT job!! You know what B needs and are an awesome momma!! I'll be praying for you guys and hope this season doesn't last long. I've been told the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart" is a wonderful book by many moms. I have it, but haven't started reading it yet so I can't say for sure how great it is, but it may be something to look at.
Blessings!
Leah
Man, I wish I had some great advice for you, but I wouldn't know what to do either! Maybe my only thought is to not try to correct all of these things at one time so it's not miserable and overwhelming for both of you. Maybe hold off on trying to correct the eating in the high chair since she does need to eat and focus on the other tantrums first, and then come back to working on getting her to stay in her high chair. Then again, I could be totally wrong ;)
ReplyDeleteJen recommended the book "Don't Make Me Count to Three" about discipline, but Blakely is probably still too young for a lot of what the book is about (I bought it but haven't read it yet). Maybe it would have some good thoughts though?
Sara, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We are going through something very similar right now with Laine. Maybe not quite to the extreme that you're describing with Blakely...but close! I'm wondering if some of it really might be their age?? Because something has really just changed with Laine in the past week or 2, and I'm about to go crazy!
ReplyDeleteI don't necessarily have any advice for you (because I'm in the same boat), but I will say that I don't think they are too young to be disciplined. Full-on spankings? No. But we do flick Laine's hand and swat her upper thigh regularly. She may not understand it completely, but she is learning to associate disobeying with the pain of swatting. And to me, that is very important because what if she tries to run out in front of a car one day soon, and she doesn't know to stop because I have never attempted to discipline her in the act of disobeying... so she has never had that association of disobeying with unpleasant consequences (in our case, the pain of swatting)? Does that make sense?
Anyway, I am clearly learning right along with you, but Andy and I are also about to read Shepherding a Child's Heart (like Leah recommended). We have heard wonderful things about it as well.
Hang in there! I'm so glad you posted this, because it really was an encouragement to me to know that I'm not alone. :) And if you find something that works well...please post about it!